Why I won’t be blogging anymore

Actually, I will continue blogging, as much now as ever. It’s a venue in which I can be myself in all my dimensions. So long as that is the case, I will treasure the experience, the things I learn, and the people I connect with through the medium. I titled the post that way to bait and switch. Read on: you'll be glad you did.

Blogging is a medium in which I don’t have to divide myself into an intellectual side and an emotional side, a religious side and an etsi deus non daretur side, that is, an “as if there is no God” side. Yes, I have that side, too. I need both sides in order to maintain a semblance of intellectual and spiritual sanity. Here is an example of what I mean. You don't have to believe in God to appreciate the following anecdote. Of course, if you do, it will strike you harder, not more softly, than if you do not.

This summer, a sis-in-law of mine died of brain cancer the day before her 35^th birthday. To say I am over this would be a bold-faced lie. A few nights ago, I spent some time with my brother, her surviving husband. He has two small sons. The oldest, not yet 5, is my godson. He was so waiting for me to come.

“Uncle Johnny,” he said, “can you tuck me in and read me a bedtime story?” “Of course I can.” Besides the story I read him (from the Bible), he had stories he wanted to tell me. So we talked for quite a while. Then he asked me, “Can we pray to Mommy now?” “Yes we can,” I said. I put his hand in mine and I prayed to God that he would keep and protect us and help us be kind and thoughtful to all we meet.

My godson saw no contradiction between praying to God and praying to Mommy. After all, there is no contradiction. You pray to the first, you pray to the second. They occupy the same horizon for him.

Like we all do, my godson needs an ever-present help in trouble. He has one, in God and his Mommy.

For the record, this brother of mine belongs to an ELCA Lutheran congregation that has been extremely supportive of him and his family through the long, two-year ordeal. My godson was not taught by anyone to pray to his Mommy. He knew to do that on his own.

Comments

[David Ker]

This is something I'm dealing with as a son left behind. There are times when I want to write her or talk to her on the phone and it's not possible. That's a hard reaction to experience and I suppose it fades in time.

[Justin (koavf)]

John,

After Graham Chapman died, John Cleese said the only thing about which he would never make jokes was cancer. About seven months ago, a friend of mine was widowed because her husband had a brain tumor. Now I understand why Cleese made his decision. Cancer sucks.

Glad to see you're still wasting time pressing keys and shooting electrons across the world.

-JAK

[Molly]

Oh man. That would be SO tough. :(
I'm so sorry for your family, John.

[JohnFH]

Thanks, everyone, for your friendship and concern.