On the distinction between wisdom and intelligence

Do you know someone who is intellectually challenged but gets the things that really matter very right? I know a few people like that.

Some people wonder why there are, for example, people with Down’s Syndrome in this world. Well, I wonder about people who so wonder.

Have they never had a friend with Down’s syndrome? Do they know nothing about Henri Nouwen, and the choices in life he made?

My parish streams with people this afternoon who have come to pay their respects to a person who had all her wits about her, even if she could never have scored high on a SAT or ACT exam. She passed away last week at 36 years of age. Below the fold you will find the eulogy I will pronounce in a few minutes. It’s nothing special, but may remind you of someone you know who is just like the person honored today in my community.

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false.[1]

That’s what David wrote, and it’s as true today as it was then.

We have gathered to celebrate Kalen’s life. She has now ascended the hill of the Lord. She now stands in his holy place. She had clean hands and a pure heart. She did not lift up her soul to an idol or swear by what is false.

Kalen had a troubled life. She had a learning disability. She was dyslexic, and repeated kindergarten. The way she got through school, the only way she could, was with the extra help of teachers and especially Andrea, her mother, all along the way. She was blessed to have this help. She was blessed to have the family she has, and the community which surrounded her and honors her this day. Once, when she had to go and get tested, she asked, “What’s this about? I may be slow, but I’m not retarded.”

If you remember anything about Kalen, remember the wisdom God gave her. There is a difference between being slow and being retarded. Kalen was slow in some ways, but she was not retarded. The only retarded people the world possesses are smart people. People like you and me. Intelligent people, experience proves, are often retarded people, people who don’t understand the fundamental things about life, like giving and receiving affection. Fast, retarded people: they are the scourge of this earth. If you want to remember Kalen, if you really want to remember her, if you want to learn from her, she can teach you this, if you let her: do not become a fast, retarded person. The world is full of them, and does not need another.

Kalen never complained about anything. She was forgetful of the wrongdoing of others. She was a forgiving person. She also knew how to forgive herself. This is one of the most important life skills there is. The most unhappy people on God’s green earth are people who are unable to forgive themselves for some mistake they made.

Well, friends, learn a lesson from Kalen. Let her be your teacher. Love bears all things, said the apostle Paul. Love does not remember wrong. Kalen knew how to do that.

Kalen’s family was a place of warmth and affection for her. When her brother Jon moved out of the house, it dawned on her, now that she was 25, that it was about time she got a place of her own as well.

With the help of Tina Rawlins, Kalen became a CNA, a certified nursing assistant. Kalen was well-suited for the job.

Who knows how many people she brought cheer to at the care facility where she worked? She could talk up a storm. A big smile came naturally to her. She knew people and they became family for her. She hated it when someone died on her shift. She prayed that it would not happen. She loved life; everyone around her knew it. She taught other people to love life.

Was Kalen perfect in her own way? Yes, she was. Does that mean her life was free of challenges? Of course not. She loved to shop. She loved to buy things. She was often in trouble with credit cards. She had trouble keeping her weight within limits.

But perfection, human perfection, is about one’s good points outweighing and overwhelming one’s shortcomings. The good about Kalen was summed up perfectly by Queenie, Kalen’s grandmother, who said this not long before she died:

“Here comes Kalen. I really love her, and she really loves me.”

Can anyone say that about you? Kalen died at 36 years of age. Whether you are younger or older than her, make sure of one thing. Let it be said of you what was said of her: “Here comes John. I really love him, and he really loves me.” . . .

Kalen had special friends. Her cousin Kelley meant a lot to her. She lost her, as we all did, years ago. Amanda and Lily were special friends.

Kalen would have given the shirt off her back to just about anyone. She prayed in her own way. She liked to ask people to pray for others. She connected people in this way. She was a connected human being. You know what I think? God used Kalen over and over again for the sake of his kingdom of righteousness and love.

Even after moving to North Fond du Lac, she would call home every day. Jon remembers what it was like to have a phone conversation with her. He didn’t have to say much. She herself would finish with “Bye Kal.”

Kalen worked the 10 to 6 shift at All About Life Health and Rehab Center in Fond du Lac. She had a smile, a hug, and not one word but many for everyone. In the afternoons, she would often babysit for friends.

There are a number of details about Kalen you may enjoy hearing about. She had an acute sense of hearing, and she hated the 4^th of July for that reason. The noise bothered her. She was her nephew Noah’s godmother. She loved to buy all the grandchildren presents. Did it break the bank? Who cares? She loved to get something for someone else. It made her happy. It made them happy. Kalen, you see, was a happy person.

During high school, she wanted to go to Junior Prom. She wanted a guy, and she got him. He was “the dancing guy," someone she probably met at dancing school. “Ask,” says Jesus, “and you will receive.” Kalen understood that. Kalen understood a lot of things.

God gave her wisdom even if he did not make her the smartest person in the world. What is more important in life: to be smart, or to be wise? We all know the answer.

I’m going to finish this eulogy by talking about rewards. Jesus talked a lot about rewards. This is what he had to say:

Whoever welcomes you welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. Whoever welcomes a prophet in the name of a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward; and whoever welcomes a righteous person in the name of a righteous person will receive the reward of the righteous; and whoever gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones in the name of a disciple—truly I tell you, none of these will lose their reward.[2]

You see, Kalen was that kind of person. She was all about giving a cup of cold water to someone who needed it. Truly, she will not lose her reward.

The apostle Paul said, three things last for ever, faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love. Kalen modeled love for many of you who are here today. Let us not forget her example.

How shall we finish this celebration? Let us all say, as she was wont to say, “Bye Kal.” C’mon, let’s hear it. “Bye Kal.”

---

[1] The opening of Psalm 24.

[2] NRSV Matthew 10:41-42.

Comments

[D. P.]

Very nice. Reminded me of Bill, who at age 30 was a bulwark of the youth group in a little town in Virginia where I once did a summer internship.

[Wayne Leman]

Wow, that was beautiful, John. For a smart man, you are also wise. (Some day I'd like to hear your story of how that happened.)

And, yes, I have known people like Kalen. They help put life in proper perspective.

[eclexia]

I agree with Wayne's desire to know more of your story. I'm not exactly asking as much as acknowledging that I also think and wonder in an admiring way about the people and things that have shaped and fused tenderness and intellect together in your life.

It has taken me a while to comment on this post, because it has been rolling around in my head with the bigger concept of valuing people in general. As I sit somewhere in an intellectual "middle ground" (wherever that is), I tend to be distressed by attitudes that look down on low intellect and elevate high intellect.

In reality the elevation appears to me to be as isolating as the disdaining. People may admire genius from afar, but it seems to be a bit patronizing and with a sense of still putting down "Yeah, so and so is smart, BUT, look at how....they are."

Somehow it feels that the distant admiration for people at one extreme of intellectual ability is not far removed from avoiding attitudes towards people at the other extreme. Maybe it's an attitude of superiority I sense (where one can look at a genius and still feel superior, because of doing something else better..not sure on this; just thinking aloud).

In any case, the result I see is loneliness. And sometimes it seems it is even easier for people to push a genius or intellectual person away relationally than it is a person of low intellect.

I watch that happen and don't have any answers (it is often hard to get to know people so vastly different from oneself, especially when doing so might make me feel "less than" or "stupid".) Even without answers, I do notice this happening, and it makes me sad.

Those are the thoughts that make of the context in which I say, Thanks for sharing with us your celebration of the value of Kalen's life and the joy of being in relationship with her.

[JohnFH]

Eclexia, you've hit on something. One reason I enjoy relating to people with, for example, Downs Syndrome or Alzheimer's, is because they relate to the world, intellectually and emotionally, in ways that are outside the box. They are treated as misfits for that reason. So are geeky, bookish kids.

I cannot forget a conversation I had with a sister of mine (we are a blended family, 5 + 3 kids). She was all of 13 but was reading Tolstoy and Austen and Dickens.

When we conversed, bro and sis together, she would express herself in a rich and amazing vocabulary. Why don't you talk like that with your friends? I asked. They would make fun of me, she answered.

[Naomisu]

I know this is late but I just found this post in my net flitting.

When I was in my late teens (nearly 40 years ago) I once refused to take part in communion in my local Methodist church after the minister had preached on "the intelligent Christian life". I was annoyed as I wondered what that meant for the "dummies" (this was not meant in a derogatory way). In my innocence of youth I hoped that the minister would ask me why I did not partake so that I could tell him my reason and explain my objection. He did not but I have never forgotten my objection to the sermon. After taking a degree in Classical Hebrew and Biblical Studies 30 years after this episode, I understand now that he may have been trying to say that the Christian life is "intelligent". However, for me Christianity has always never needed confirmation or approval from the "intelligent" of this world, just as it does not need approval from those the world considers "good people" either.

[JohnFH]

The innocence of youth is a powerful antidote to the everyday crimes of this world. Thanks for chiming in, Naomi.