A Literary Translation of Psalm 51

The basic rule of thumb of good translation, it seems to me, is to be as literal as possible and as free as necessary. Still, it is my firm conviction that translations in the King James tradition – I’m thinking of the KJV itself, the RSV, the NRSV, the ESV, the NKJV, and the HCSB - are too literal in some places and too free in others.

Furthermore, the freshness of the original is often obscured in this translation tradition. The classical translation choices they preserve - a number of which go back to the Vulgate and/or the Septuagint – are now the exclusive patrimony of religious environments. Words like sin, iniquity, transgression, and righteousness, for example, are no longer faithful equivalents - and sometimes never were - to the Hebrew words they render.

The Hebrew words in question were used in a wide variety of contexts – political, familial, and so on. The English words used to translate them are almost exclusively churchy; they have become barriers to understanding for literate and unread interpreters alike.

The classical liturgical language of the church is a treasure in its own right, but if we wish to hear the Psalms according to the sense they had before Christianity and rabbinic Judaism appropriated them for their respective purposes, it is essential to retranslate the Psalms into literary English designed to go behind the interpretive traditions of which they are now a part.

This is not necessarily an anti-traditional move. In both Christian and Jewish tradition, streams of interpretation have diligently sought to elucidate the sense of the original even if the result was at odds with tradition. Jerome comes to mind, who sought after the hebraica veritas. Yefet ben-Ali, Ibn Ezra, and Samuele Davide Luzzatto come to mind among Jewish interpreters.

Recent translations of Psalm 51 which are traditionally anti-traditional as just defined include those of James Kugel and Robert Alter. The new translation of the Jewish Publication Society (NJPSV) which preceded them moves along the same lines. If modern philological insights suggest that a traditional understanding of the Hebrew requires revision, these translations do not hesitate to render accordingly. For an analysis of Kugel and Alter’s translations of Psalm 51:3-12, go here, here, here, and here.

My translation of Psalm 51 stands within the NJPSV-Kugel-Alter tradition, but goes its own way when it seemed better to do so. I am trying to translate Psalm 51 into what I take to be fluent literary English. I look forward to comments from readers. Where have I failed to be literary? Where have I failed to be fluent? What kind of explanatory notes might be helpful?

Here is a one page pdf of the translation.

Comments

[Rich Rhodes]

You know, the way you're approaching this, is, I would argue, dynamic equivalence. You are concerned about balancing naturalness with referential accuracy and phrasing it in the corresponding style.

[JohnFH]

I'll take that as a compliment.

You will notice that my translation is less literal than most in some instances (for example, I do not reproduce the conjunctions of the Hebrew because they give the wrong impression in English; the Hebrew term often translated as 'righteousness' is rendered as 'goodness,' though this is far from perfect: I would have rather found a one-word equivalent of the 'act of putting things right'), and more literal than most in others (as in 51:7 and 19).

[Bob MacDonald]

Between Beth and Daleth there is the chasm of recognition of fault. Without this the psalm is surface. Does 'favour' evoke fault? Mercy invokes it better says Mr. traditionalist. But to use mercy here prevents use of it for XSD - and good, because mercy does not to justice to this word which encompasses so much. I would carp also on the use of contractions. I don't think they work in a piece of penitence. I am scared of really trying to translate rather than just 'follow' the Hebrew which is all I can do at this point. One day... I am now 66%+ through my first drafts. I am going to slow down and think about presentation options and more in-depth analysis of what I have already done - so maybe I will take your challenge to work Psalm 51 better in English. I like your choices of words distinguishing the various connotations of the words for transgression, sin, guilt etc. Very nice. 'Crime' works well. :)

[Henry IX]

"a one-word equivalent of the 'act of putting things right'"

I would suggest 'rectification,' but I'm not sure how it would fit. It has a mechanical feel to it, which misses the touch of the hand conveyed in 'goodness' which you used. But why do you feel it needful to find a one-word equivalent?

[JohnFH]

Thanks for the suggestions and queries so far. Wayne Leman offline has gone over the translation very carefully and made a number of pertinent observations.

I will soon return to the subject matter.