James Kugel vs. Robert Alter: Round Two

In this post, I begin to compare Kugel and Alter’s translations of Psalm 51:6-15. For Round One of this cage match, go here. Bibliographical references are supplied there.

Since I will not refrain from being critical of both Kugel and Alter’s translation efforts, I wish also to reiterate my intense respect for the work of both scholars. For a fine plug in favor of Kugel’s excellent contributions to the field, check out Iyov’s remarks here.

The scansion I offer of Ps 51:6-11 is identical to that found in BHS and in most modern translations. 51:12, however, I treat as a pair of lines, in accordance with the general rule. The short 2:2 lines of 51:12 are asymmetrical to their context in which 3:3 lines dominate. The changeup in rhythm focuses attention on the compact lines, the rhetorical peak as it were of the larger prayer. Another psalm that shortens up the rhythm to mark its rhetorical peak is 130.

I trisect 51:13 and 14. The division is a refinement, not a rejection of, the traditional bisection of the verses. The line-types instantiated, 3:(2:2) and (2:2):3, are very well-attested.

  6לְךָ לְבַדְּךָ חָטָאתִי

וְהָרַע בְּעֵינֶיךָ עָשִׂיתִי

 

לְמַעַן תִּצְדַּק בְּדָבְרֶךָ

תִּזְכֶּה בְשָׁפְטֶךָ

 

 

 7הֵן־בְּעָווֹן חוֹלָלְתִּי

וּבְחֵטְא יֶחֱמַתְנִי אִמִּי

 

8הֵן־אֱמֶת חָפַצְתָּ בַטֻּחוֹת

וּבְסָתֻם חָכְמָה תוֹדִיעֵנִי

 

 

 9תְּחַטְּאֵנִי בְאֵזוֹב וְאֶטְהָר

תְּכַבְּסֵנִי וּמִשֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין

 

 10תַּשְׁמִיעֵנִי שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה

תָּגֵלְנָה עֲצָמוֹת דִּכִּיתָ

 

 11הַסְתֵּר פָּנֶיךָ מֵחֲטָאָי

וְכָל־עֲוֹנֹתַי מְחֵה

 

 

 12לֵב טָהוֹר

בְּרָא־לִי אֱלֹהִים

 

וְרוּחַ נָכוֹן

חַדֵּשׁ בְּקִרְבִּי

 

 

 13אַל־תַּשְׁלִיכֵנִי מִלְּפָנֶיךָ

וְרוּחַ קָדְשְׁךָ

אַל־תִּקַּח מִמֶּנִּי

 

 14הָשִׁיבָה לִּי

שְׂשׂוֹן יִשְׁעֶךָ

וְרוּחַ נְדִיבָה תִסְמְכֵנִי

 

15אֲלַמְּדָה פֹשְׁעִים דְּרָכֶיךָ

וְחַטָּאִים אֵלֶיךָ יָשׁוּבוּ

 Kugel’s Translation

6 You are the one I offended;

           I did what was is evil in Your sight.

You always are fair in Your sentence,

           impartial in what You decree.

7 But consider, I was born to transgression,

conceived by my mother in sin.

8 Secretly You love faithfulness;

            so in secret help me grow wise.

9 Clean me with hyssop till I am pure,

           wash me till I’m whiter than snow.

10 Let me have gladness and joy once again,

           let the bones that You struck rejoice.

11 Turn away from my sin,

           and blot out all my offenses.

 

12 God, make me a pure heart,

           put a new, right spirit inside me.

13 Please, don’t send me away;

           don’t take Your holy spirit from me.

14 Give me back the joy of your help,

           hold me up with a kindly spirit.

15 Let me teach sinners Your ways.

           so offenders turn back to You.

 Alter’s Translation

6 You alone have I offended

           and what is evil in Your eyes I have done.

So You are just when you sentence,

           you are right when You judge.

7 Look, in transgression was I conceived,

           and in offense my mother spawned me.

8 Look, You desired truth in what is hidden;

           in what is concealed make wisdom known to me.

9 Purify me with a hyssop, that I be clean.

           Wash me, that I be whiter than snow.

10 Let me hear gladness and joy,

           let the bones that You crushed exult.

11 Avert your face from my offenses,

           and all my misdeeds wipe away.

12 A pure heart create for me, God,

           and a firm spirit renew within me.

13 Do not fling me from Your presence,

           and Your holy spirit take not from me.

14 Give me back the gladness of Your rescue

           and with a noble spirit sustain me.

15 Let me teach transgressors Your ways,

           and offenders will come back to You.

 Psalm 51:6

 The first half of this verse is characterized by syntactic inversions which front some and down-rank other elements in two parallel clauses. Alter’s translation is remarkably faithful to the diction and concreteness of the original, though the use of the conjunction to introduce the second clause sends the wrong signals in English and is best omitted. Furthermore, ‘when you sentence’ is an overtranslation of בדברך, which just means ‘when you speak.’ Kugel’s translation of the first half of this verse is smooth but unnecessarily approximate.

 The second half of this verse begins with למען, which Alter deftly translates as ‘so.’ But I find it disconcerting that Alter concludes his translation of the first half of the verse with a full stop. The two halves of the verses are intimately connected. The psalmist knows himself to have committed a great evil in God’s eyes: “I have done what is evil in your eyes, so you are just when you speak; you are fair when you judge.” Kugel ignores למען in translation. The connection between the two halves of the verse is thereby obscured.
 

תזכה poses a challenge for translators. Literally, ‘you are clean’ when you judge. But that is not idiomatic English. One possibility is to translate 51:6 as follows:

 You alone have I offended,

          what is evil in your eyes I have done,

so you are just when you speak,

          you are pure when you judge.

 This has the advantage of creating a verbal link with 51:9 and 12 (Hebrew numbering), where the concept of ‘cleanness, purity’ recurs.

 Kugel, 0; Alter, 3.

 That’s probably as much Hebrew in one post as most people can tolerate. To be continued.

Comments

[ElShaddai Edwards]

Verses 12-14 (vss 10-12 in my "Christian Bible") are imprinted in my head from the Lutheran liturgy, as well as the chant that went with it, so it's very refreshing to see a different take on these overly familiar texts. Thanks for tackling this project!

ElShaddai

[JohnFH]

Thanks, ElShaddai. I hope to get back to the name project later today as well.

[Bob MacDonald]

Nice - I haven't got my copy of Alter yet - but the only solution for me is to take the English and French drafts of Psalm 51 that I have and morph them into your prosodic structures - then I will be able to comment. Re the Hebrew - your inter-line spacing takes a lot of screen real-estate. It becomes hard to connect since vertical scrolling is required even for the Hebrew alone. (In contrast, last year's posts by Kevin Edgecomb have the Hebrew so close together that the lamedh touches the base of the line above it.)

[JohnFH]

Bob,

you're right about the vertical scrolling issue. I will experiment with other formats.

[Bob MacDonald]

I have posted briefly on this, John - it is too hard to be in a hurry.