In this post, I describe how a subtext of the traditional Jewish wedding rite may be actualized in terms of the larger Jewish or Christian tradition. If you don’t know Hebrew, don’t worry. Translation is provided.
The church where I pastor is well-designed and I get calls all the time from couples who would like to reserve the church for a wedding. Can you officiate at our wedding, they ask? Of course I can, I answer. But you need to know that a wedding in this church is all about the vows you will pronounce in the presence of God. I will work closely with you so that your wedding is an expression of your walk with God, and I will meet with you over prayer and Bible study before your wedding day. If you do not have a church, I expect you to start attending here, so that your wedding day is not an isolated event. Your marriage is a sign and symbol of God’s relationship with a whole people who call upon him to bless them. It is also a component of that relationship, as such, one of the most beautiful things that exists on earth. Divorced from that, it is not much more than a business contract. You decide what you want.
Most couples get what I’m saying. Do they want to exchange those incredible words, “with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,” without meaning them?
It is also important to keep in mind where someone is headed, not just where they are. Charity is essential, the kind of charity the Genie shows Aladdin in a famous non-dialogue:
[Aladdin has been thrown off a cliff into the deep blue sea. Unable to free himself, he has sunk to the bottom, is now unconscious, and about to die.]
Genie: C’mon, boy. Make a wish! [No answer.]
I’ll take that as a yes!
I’m convinced, based on the Bible, that God’s approach to us is close to that. If not, I bet I’m not the only one who knows himself to be a goner.
Uncertainty and doubt define the life of many, at times it seems without remainder. I stew in both myself. Always have. Always will. One of the things I am profoundly bothered by in the New Testament is the way the relationship of a husband to his wife is compared to the relationship between Christ and the church. As if the husband is the savior and initiator of the relationship, and the wife the one who submits to his command.
If you are Jewish and reading this, you may be thinking how nice it is to be Jewish and not have to put up with stuff like that. But you know, the marriage covenant in Jewish tradition is also understood and defined in terms of the relationship between God (=husband) and his people (=wife). One of the least understood texts on the basis of which this is done is Jer 31:22:
עַד־מָתַי תִּתְחַמָּקִין
הַבַּת הַשּׁוֹבֵבָה
כִּי־בָרָא יהוה
חֲדָשָׁה בָּאָרֶץ
נְקֵבָה תְּסוֹבֵב גָּבֶר
How long will you turn one way and then the other,
o wayward daughter?
a new thing on earth:
the woman will press the man.
Jer 31:22
According to the first half of this verse, the story of Jeremiah’s generation and its relationship with God is one of waywardness. Like a headstrong teenage daughter – I have one, I know – Israel runs hot one day and cold the next vis-à-vis its God.
The second half of the verse transforms the ‘how long’ of the first half into a promise that the waywardness will come to end. It is anticipated that the Lord has brought about a new situation in which – the metaphor is changed somewhat – the woman will press the man. The woman will encircle and surround. The verb used is a strong one and can also be used in a negative sense, as when the waters ‘press round’ Jonah and nearly suffocate him (Jonah 2:4, 6).
To reuse an image that was applied to another generation, it is as if God wanted to encompass his children, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and they were unwilling. But God fashions a new thing on the earth. The woman will press the man. The wayward one who went one way and then the next will circle round and encompass the one who for so long circled round and encompassed her.
The text refers to this as a “new thing on the earth.” A role reversal is described. The cultural template that will be reversed is the one that expects, in courtship, that the cock presses the hen. To this day in many cultures, in courtship, it is expected that the male take the initiative and the female be coy and play hard-to-get. The cultural template, of course, may remain so even if it hardly corresponds to reality. It is interesting that in the Song of Songs, the courtship proceeds with the girl, not the boy, taking the lead. And this, too, in traditional exegesis, is a mirror of the relationship of Israel (the girl) and its God (the boy).
So this amazing prophecy of Jeremiah, on a par in every way with other prophecies in the context (note 31:33), imagines a reversal of the usual situation in which God must beg his people for attention, and they do not respond. Now his people will take the initiative. Now they will court him. They will circle round him fixedly, rather than wander hither and thither. In terms of the image employed above, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, the people will gather God under their wings.
Jeremiah 31:22 is the basis for the practice of the bride circling the groom seven times at a Jewish wedding. Understood in terms of its biblical subtext, the symbolism is breathtaking.
The bride’s encompassing of the groom is a sign and symbol of the prophecy of Jeremiah being fulfilled in every generation. Like the Shullamite in the Song of Songs, who is the image of Israel, the initiative lies with the bride, not the groom. Her proactive love for her groom becomes the means by which the relationship reaches its intended goal.
In light of Jer 31:22 and the traditional interpretation of Song of Songs, it is possible to model marriage after the relationship of God with his people as it is meant to be. Or so it seems to me, and that it is the exegetical tack I will take at the wedding I will do this Saturday.
The bride, I’ve noticed, is already doing what the text of Jeremiah says vis-à-vis her groom with quiet determination. She creates a space for her husband-to-be and their relationship, not the other way around. She might as well know that as she does so, she is sign and symbol of the fulfillment of the prophecy of Jeremiah. She fulfills the prophecy in fact, within the larger set of covenant relationships God ordained for his people.
I went over this with the couple, and the bride-to-be said she understood. Raised Serbian Orthodox, she remembers circling the altar three times with the rest of the wedding party at a cousin’s wedding (same verb in Hebrew! - Ps 26:6). At such a wedding, the bride and groom wear stephana (crowns) that bespeak the royal estate of marriage, and also, the suffering of martyrdom, another part of marriage. That double meaning given to the wedding crowns in the Orthodox tradition really takes the cake.
I love weddings. The tears and the glam and everyone, even the Grandmas and Grandpas, feeling young again. We are going to have quite the time this Saturday. The couple just graduated from Bethany College of Missions. The whole graduating class will be there, all future missionaries. The couple is as poor as church mice. The reception will be in the church’s fellowship hall, with dancing (I might catch hell from the church council for this; it wouldn’t be the first time), and my confirmation classes serving and bussing at the meal. I get to preach my heart out.
How did a TULIPy Waldensian pastor get asked by a flaming Pentecostal couple about to leave, together with four others, as missionaries to Moldova (we talked about Bialik’s poem and the Kishinev progrom), to do their wedding? Like all good stories, it’s a long one, and I won’t tell it here. But a song we sing, “my God is an awesome God,” comes to mind.
A marriage lived according to God’s will is comparable to circling the altar three times. A marriage lived according to God’s will is describable as a woman who circles her man seven times, defining a space she will call her own.
אָקוּמָה נָּא וַאֲסוֹבְבָה
בָעִיר
בַּשְּׁוָקִים וּבָרְחֹבוֹת
אֲבַקְשָׁה אֵת שֶׁאָהֲבָה
נַפְשִׁי
through the streets and through the squares;
I seek the one my whole being loves.
(Song of Songs 3:2a)
וְדוֹדִי לִי
הָרֹעֶה בַּשּׁוֹשַׁנִּים
and my love is mine,
who browses among the lilies.
(Song of Songs 2:16)
The people’s relationship to God is also describable in these terms. So Rabbi Akiva held, with every fiber of his being. Jews and Christians do well to concur. The relationship between a woman and a man mirrors the relationship between a people and its God. In a bad sense, sure, but also in a good sense. Even, if Jeremiah is right, in the best sense imaginable.
For students of Hebrew, that was Polel סבב, ‘surround, encircle,’ three times: Jer 31:22; Ps 26:6; Song of Songs 3:2. This post is also meant to illustrate how Jews and Christians can steal positive ideas from each other, without falling into copyright infringement, or a bland broth of syncretism which is, I contend, a fair description of Unitarianism. For background, go here.
Great post, John. It's refreshing to read about the marriage relationship without being pounded by the "theology" of complementarianism or egalitarianism. There's so much everyday wisdom that Christians should "borrow" from Judaism, not just the creation stories.
P.S. In honor of the upcoming ceremony this weekend, I've made "Awesome God" the "Song of the Day" on my blog today and linked to your article.
Posted by: ElShaddai Edwards | September 28, 2007 at 05:26 AM
What a beautiful image of married life! Thanks for sharing it.
Posted by: D. P. | September 28, 2007 at 09:53 AM
I'm a reserved, restrained kind of person outwardly. But this post made my spirit leap and rejoice. I dance in my heart, even when you can't see it on my face!
"How did a TULIPy Waldensian pastor get asked by a flaming Pentecostal couple..." That's the body of Christ as we don't often see it, where differences don't have to divide, but unite in beautiful (non-syncretistic) ways! I read this and smile, "It can be done!"
Posted by: eclexia | September 30, 2007 at 07:03 AM
Only a very small correction: at the Crowning (i.e., Wedding) Service, the couple and their "sponsors" are not lead by the priest around the altar itself during the "Dance of Isaiah," but rather around a table set outside the main doors of the iconostasion, and in front of which the whole service has taken place. On this table are placed the Gospel Book, the crowns, the common cup, and anything else that might be necessary for the Crowning. (The rings would have already been exchanged at the Betrothal, which takes place in the narthex.)
And indeed, the crowns signify in a mystery both the crowns of glory and honor given by God to Man and Woman in Creation, and the crowns of martyrdom, as they set on a path of self-denial and mutual submission out of love for Christ and each other. For this reason we sing as the couple processes around the table:
"Dance, O Isaiah: the Virgin has conceived and given birth to a Son, Emmanuel, who is both God and man. Orient is his name, whom we magnify as we call the Virgin blessed.
"Ye holy Martyrs, who fought the good fight and were crowned, intercede with the Lord to have mercy on our souls.
"Glory to thee, O Christ God, boast of Apostles, joy of Martyrs whose preaching was the consubstantial Trinity."
Anyway, forgive me for the tangent! A beautiful post indeed.
Esteban
Posted by: voxstefani | October 02, 2007 at 05:50 AM
Thank you, Esteban,
for sharing more details of an Orthodox wedding ceremony. The more I find out about it, the more I am awestruck by its seamless texture, biblical and patristic at the same time.
Posted by: JohnFH | October 02, 2007 at 08:40 AM
Wow, great post John! 6 weeks after the wedding, it's good to hear the same thoughts again.
I couldn't agree with D.P. more on how exhilarating and refreshing it is to see unity in the body of Christ. Our togetherness, as he said doesn't have to be characterized by awkwardness, but can be rich and beautiful.
Posted by: jdposthuma | November 22, 2007 at 06:31 PM
Jason, nice of you to check in. You and your friends were a joy to be with on that fine day. I look forward to hearing about the mission work all of you take on, in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Posted by: JohnFH | November 22, 2007 at 08:53 PM
A friend and I were just discussing this verse and looking for a deeper understanding of it. This was a very interesting read! THANK YOU!
Posted by: Daja | March 29, 2009 at 11:39 PM
Daja,
You have a fun blog. I wish you the best at Fuller and am delighted by your commitment to Mongolia.
Posted by: JohnFH | March 30, 2009 at 06:59 AM
I am in search of a deeper understanding of Jeremiah 31:22, so i googled and up came your blog. I kinda feel like my head is spinning as this is the 3 different way this passage has been explained. It would be one thing if they were all similar but they each say something totally different. One even says that a woman will compass a man is speaking of the birth of Jesus. Which I guess if you are jewish that wouldn't be a possible translation, huh. So you you have any other resources for looking into this specific passage further? I want to know that I know that I know and not just know because someone said so. (In the Message Translation of this verse it says God will create a new thing in this land: A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!" compared to NIV The LORD will create a new thing on earth— a woman will surround a man." This is where my desire to seek out further commentary on this verse began.
Posted by: L2L | August 19, 2009 at 08:25 AM
Hi L2L,
The Message translation makes explicit the kind of interpretation I offered. The NIV is not a translation that interprets the text for you, but the translation it offers is compatible with the one I offer and the one found in The Message.
The interpretation I offer tries to stick to the sense of the text in its original context, and from there to appropriate it for another situation, the marriage relationship, in accordance with a long tradition in Judaism and Christianity.
It's not necessary to appropriate the text along these lines. But I think the appropriation is beautiful and within the bounds of the values of Judaism and Christianity defined elsewhere.
Posted by: JohnFH | August 19, 2009 at 12:21 PM
thanks for sharing the message.my husband has strayed away and is with another woman.the evil one has taken him away to do his evil will.i fast and pray nearly everyday for his return.yesterday i was very down,i prayed and asked word of god to speak to me,god spoke to me thro jeremiah 31,32,33 chapters.but jermiah 31:22 kept coming bak to my mind,i cudnt understand the meaning,so i googled and came across ur site.now i understand wat god is saying to me.i know my husband will be back to love of the lord and his family one day.god wants me take my husband back how god asked prophet hosea to take his wife back.please pray for my marriage retoration.thanx
Posted by: R .C | March 28, 2010 at 10:12 AM